ANGER DOESN’T SOLVE PROBLEMS. IT CREATES MORE
Margaret Schmidt, 37, Long Island
For as far back as five years ago, when my life went downhill, I always desired to avoid being angry and, most importantly, the cause. I never know that anger can take human life until I had the terrible experience some years ago. Before the incident, I was just a happy person who was always positive and caring towards people. Simply, I was a lovely fellow.
It all started on the day I got into my partner’s phone and found out, to my greatest surprise, that he was into relationship with other women; that he had been cheating on me for a very long time. I was shocked!
This was not part of our values. Our long time relationship was not known for this. I couldn’t believe my eye. My confidence on him disappeared in a half second. I was badly hurt. I couldn’t remember the last time I had such feeling. My happiness and likeness for him were buried immediately by anger. I started feeling negatively about him. Everything about him turned sour to my taste. I even hated myself.
The anger caused by this spread to my blood vessels. I began to hate everything in my sight… my spouse, my children, my colleagues and, to say the least, my friends. Surely I was depressed and it wasn’t easy for me. The worst part is that I couldn’t let the anger go.
It hurt me a lot. It affected my ability to manage, my quality of life. Indeed, I felt awful. I got sick often and everything looked back to me. I couldn’t even tell anyone about it because I was ashamed. I was just dying in silence.
The first person that felt that something had changed for me was my mother. She called me, sat me down, and began investigation. At this point, I can no longer hold it. I busted into tears and told her the whole story. I thought she will feel the pain with me but she smiled and told me that being a “couple” is a complex issue; that for us to survive in a relationship, we must understand the plight of humans who live among us, distress from livelihood and self image; that I must be forgiving to look at the half full glass.
“What are the positive things about your spouse? What does he do well?” she asked, wiping my tears with her palm. As I kept quiet, trying to understand her question, I quickly recalled that my spouse is dedicated, he loves family and environment, he participates in home activities, and, the best of all, he works very hard to take care of our family. As I told her these, she smiled again and told me that during her own time, people make mistakes; that when I love someone, I should also learn how to understand, how to tolerate and how to forgive.
“It was anger, resentment and negative feeling that created an endless cycle of negative energies that harmed you”, she said. “It is important that you learn how to forgive and how to let things go!” She continued, pointing at my face.
Contrary to my taught that everything was perfect during her own time; she opened up and told me stories she had with my father. The stories brighten my eyes and gave me a new proposition for life. I was made to understand that anger is a feeling that needs to be released. It is common response to frustrating and threatening experiences like mine. Suppressing and storing up anger can, in no doubt, have a damaging and lasting impact on someone’s health. You just need to let it go! Negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and disappointment are like chain reactions which occur in the brain and body with a great speed. Harboring them for a long time can cause a lot of harms … it can make one to act strange, it can make you to say what you don’t want to say, do something you never intend to do. These conditions if occur frequently and severely, can get our brain and body damaged, and there is a greater risk of development of different diseases, failure of different organs, depression, chronic headaches, and so on. No wonder I was sick at that time.
I later realized that I hurt myself and that anger ruined my life, my health, the quality of life I was living and my ability to live a life of satisfaction and success. Thanks to my mother!
Ever since then, I have chosen to live a happy life full of forgiveness, understanding, and containment. I have learned how to let things go! And these, in no small way, have saved my relationship better than ever. Even if quarrels are created, they are quickly extinguished and I do not let the anger hormones take over me for more than a few minutes before balancing them with love hormones.
Anger doesn’t solve problems. It creates more.
Stop being angry.