The Question That Changed My Life

THE QUESTION THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Melissa Rispoli, 28, Italy

I’ve always had the belief that all the bad things happen to me all the time. I purchased a new car and on that day, I had an accident. The car got spoilt.

I finally started a good relationship with a guy, and in the end he went to study abroad. I worked in a newspaper system that closed down later.

I felt unlucky, I felt so bad; I didn’t understand why I deserved it all. I felt everyone’s life was getting along and mine was stuck. I was discouraged.

My inner peace disappeared; the energy in me was lost. My beauty began to fade since the inner joy was no longer working.

Every time, I will be expecting disappointment and loss because, in my head, I was stuck with the belief that nothing could work for me. Really, the pain was much for me.

As part of my work as a reporter for the local newspaper, I got to interview the most colorful figure in the town, a man who has accumulated large assets, a man who was very influential and philanthropic. When I asked him, ‘‘what makes you such a great?’’. ‘’It is my dream’’, he answered courageously.

According to him, he did not come from a wealthy home and did not have any heroic figure to rely on but he dreamed of being rich and successful in a big way. Every morning when he woke up and every night before he sleep, he would see his dreams come true. He believed in himself, he believed in the universe and he also believed it was possible.

Even when it was hard and things didn’t work out in his favor, he kept dreaming and kept believing.

When I was done with interview he asked me, “What do you believe?”

Funny enough, I had no answer … I never think in that direction. I have no idea of what I believe in. That is the truth.

The question was a turning point in my life, it made me realize that I never believe in myself and my luck, I always believed in bad luck, lack of success and misfortune.

I changed my mind set, I decided to believe in myself, I began to wish myself good luck and I began to foreseen everything working in my favor.I decided to believe that I have all it takes to succeed and that all things happen to me for better; only good fortune surrounds my life.

Although, I have not become wealthy since then nor have I become a politician, but I have lived in peace with myself, I have seen how good things happen to me, I let go of the belief that I am unlucky, and accept belief that I am fortunate and blessed fellow, and that is what I am ….

WHAT MADE MEN FALL MIN LOVE WITH ME

WHAT MADE MEN FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

VIRGINIA BERNAHARD, 28, BOSTON

           I had always been in successful relationship with men. Men had been admiring even the land I walk on. They were always around me and ready for my cooperation.

On the other hand, many of my female counterparts have suffered greatly in their live by men. Many have been abandoned and insulted. They had not been treated with respect and, as a result, they suffered emotionally and psychologically. Of course, they should be. They are human being.

They had been surprising on why my own case is different. They thought I had a special harm that made everyone to fall in love with me. I had no special charm. The truth is that I have different approach to men. I know how to set limit for men in my life. That was, probably, the secret.

Setting boundary was something I learnt and always demonstrate it towards men. I don’t easily submit myself to their dictates, though I always respect their feelings. I always make them to understand that, at least, I have life, beliefs and right just like them. I don’t depend on men.  Yes, I don’t. I take responsibility of my life and my choices. I never allow them to feel superior over my life. I never allow them to feel that my life is better because they entered it. I always remind them that my life is complete and will continue to be regardless of who is next to me.

For me, my girl friends do a lot to win relationship; they were constantly trying to please their men. They want men to be true to them. They wanted relationship so much that they forget about themselves. That may be the problem.

When we don’t set boundaries, even for our spouse, we may be encountering some behavior which leads to hostile feelings and vengeance on both sides. This, undoubtedly, makes relationship unhealthy. This principle of relationship, I believe is what made me a magnet to men. They were surprise that despite my love and attraction to them, I acted independently.

I think, you can love and do a lot for your spouse but that doesn’t mean that you are mandated to give up your worth and your respect.

If you really care about yourself, it is important that you take your time to do the thing you love, nurture yourself, meet friends who are just yours, develop career and everything you need to be. Love and allow you to be loved. Don’t kill your integrity at the altar of relationship.

When we don’t set boundaries, even for our spouse, we may be encountering some behavior which leads to hostile feelings and vengeance on both sides. 

No one is better than me

NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ME

Andrea Pascual, 35, Santa Fe

As a child, I never really used to mind what others did. I lived in place where we were practically the same in terms of socioeconomic status. We attended the same school, and everything was always fine then. The only thing that connected us to the outside world was the TV. This was where I could get that feel if what the world we lived in looked like. It was then that I believed There is something better and worth working hard for. So I promised myself to go places, meet new people and engage in new activities. All this though, I believed would come upon growing up and being independent. I would share with my mother all my dreams of travelling, getting into acting, modelling all of this came as an inspiration from our little TV screen. My mother would encourage me and say all I need to do was work really hard in class so that if I excel, I will get exposed to wanted I always dreamt of.

I finally finished high school and joined campus in my country’s capital, away from my hometown. I was excited because I believed that this was the dawn of my dreams. I knew it would be easy because I already had that drive little did I know I had a lot to deal with.

In campus I meet new people, extremely beautiful, exposed and apparently richer. They too had the same dreams as I had. This was when I would compare myself to them and feel very lowly of myself.  

I thought they were prettier and that I wasn’t, they had the connection that I didn’t, they had the money enough to take them places which I couldn’t. All this I was expected to compete with. In mind I thought it was a sort of competition and that I was the least likely to get anywhere.

Slowly I started to waste away losing interest in what I had for long dreamt of. I became too complacent with my dreams. Now I had nothing to live for. I was dying inside, so depressed. The only thing I kept doing consistently was attending class because as It was I saw that I be better as an academician than a superstar. There too I still fell into that trap of comparison. With time I realized life is based on such a manner that there has to be balance. You can never be the same as anyone else. So it’s not about competing rather complimenting each other.

There is always someone better than you somewhere but should be nothing to worry you. Comparing yourself might do more harm than good. It is high time we appreciate our uniqueness because that is what makes us special. Love our skin colour, body size, weight and work hard to become economically stable. This will give us security and we will feel accomplished. Ever since I worked on myself to improve all that I am good at, I can attest to a lot of growth. My comparison to others had always been my trap and impediment to what I could achieve. Now am working to revive my dream and offer the world my unique abilities

To Love What You Have

TO LOVE WHAT YOU HAVE

Selena Galliger, 39 New York

I was the girl who fell in love with a family man. He was a man who loved my family like his and enchanted me with his peaceful and calm nature. He was a man that was not attracted by pubs or parties; instead, he preferred intimate conversations with me, like a candlelight dinner. He was my prince charming, and so over the years, we made our family bigger.

One day when I went for coffee with an old friend, she suddenly started spewing about her husband. She described him as an indifferent stuck-up who constantly wants to stay at home and just do things together.

He had no friends, and nothing bounces him and that she was tired of his behavior. She asked how she can live with one?

When she asked this, I couldn’t place a single thought that would cause me to understand her. Isn’t it the reason that causes her to fell in love with him? She used to say that he was her entire world and that the most wonderful aspect of him was that he focused on her.

I just couldn’t help myself from comparing his husband to mine.

This made me realize that so many times, the reason we fall in love with a person becomes the reason that makes us leave that person too. How we easily transform a positive attribute into a negative one.

I reminded my friend of this fact, and I reminded myself too. I suggested to her that she should try to convert the negative emotions to positive ones so that she can again learn to love what she has.